How to figure out what's bugging you

Have you ever felt anxious but could not figure out why? Irritable for no particular reason? You feel stress in your body but can't think what is stressing you out?

When clients are describing that mysterious sensation to me, I'm always curious about the timing:

when did that start? and what was going on at that time?

Cluing in on the timing -- short or long term -- can often uncover the trigger.

Short term, think back over your day until you land on when you were in a positive mood, then move slowly forward in your memory, frame by frame if you need to, until you can pinpoint when this negative mood started. You might be surprised by the tininess of the detail -- maybe it was a news story on the radio, or someone's comment on social media, or you saw that you were out of milk... Sometimes when our trigger is something 'trivial,' we dismiss it as unworthy of reacting to, then we get into a spiral with ourselves because we're still bothered, but now we're mad at ourselves for being bothered. We shove all that under the rug, where it churns, unexamined, and ends up feeling like anxiety and/or irritation. How lovely instead to find that moment --oh, that comment WAS upsetting; and just give ourselves grace-- place your hand kindly over your heart and say, of course I'm upset, but I've got me, I'm ok.

When it's longer term, think back over the months or the seasons -- "was I feeling this way at Thanksgiving?, at Halloween?, when school started?" until you land on when you were not feeling this negativity. Slowly go forward again, considering what events were happening when your mindset shifted. With a longer-term issue, you might be dismissing it because it feels like it's not your business, or you feel helpless to address it, or you think it shouldn't be a problem--a parent is having memory issues, two family members are in conflict, a friend is asking too much of you. So give yourself permission to acknowledge, boy, that is really hard on me; and support yourself with a plan, or setting a limit.

It's not only okay to feel to your feelings, it's really useful. Only by acknowledging and accepting that something has upset you do you have the opportunity to help yourself -- which you deserve!